This Thursday is our audiology appointment. Little Landon luckily will just be asleep for this test which can take 2.5 to 3 hours. Not quite sure how it’ll go- what if I can’t quiet her down? What if she doesn’t sleep for that window of time?! She is a newborn after all.
As I sit here and read all I can about hearing aids and what this ABR test can tell us, I have to keep saying to myself- this isn’t life threatening Eloise. She is growing and healthy and a normal baby. I know all of this – and I hear it constantly from others. What pulls me down is just any thought of her pain. Any thought of her struggling to hear; any struggle she may face to speak; any problem she may have with her little cheekbones; and the surgeries… they scare me most. Yes they are advanced medical techniques that have been perfected, they are amazing doctors and these surgeries are far off in the future. But I’m a planner. I plan for things all day long and always have. Staying in my present has always been tough for me.
So that’s my goal – each day- to be present in the moment. To be present when she holds her head on her own for those moments that feel like the longest stretch of time. To be present when I gave her her bath today and she stared up at me the whole time with those huge blue eyes. To enjoy living in the moment of sitting on a bench with her and Kingsley in Central Park watching little kids play softball. My present is truly grand and I’m going to love her as best I can.
Here’s to all of us being present in our lives.