Just surfacing from our ophthalmologist appointment. With an eye patch that is. It’s common, I’m learning, for TCS babies and children to have strabismus and therefore have to wear a patch. I’m not going to lie. The wonderful doctor, I love this guy, told me that she’d have to wear it and although I don’t feel strongly about it (truly) my voice caught in my throat. I choked back tears. All the sudden, my control over our situation felt slightly out of whack.
I have grown used to and am happy about our baha softband, and I literally know everything there is to know about how the ear works. That’s been my focus- all about the ear. I know people in that community. I’m used to our speech therapies. And I had just started to not get freaked out when her eyes don’t match. The plate was full though. Me back at work, the poor ignored dog, trying to get back into “fighting shape” and be a wife also, along with Landon’s speech and hearing issues, knowledge there was strabismus in her eye, craniofacial teams and future surgeries. There wasn’t room in my emotional cup for something even as small as a baby eye patch.
Choking back tears is an art form I have mastered now. The burn in my throat… I know it well. So the tears remain unshed. Later I said. I focused on the doctor’s words. I even got some questions in. Even when he said the “s” word (surgery) I didn’t buckle. My friends’ and family’s prayers held me together like glue.
Now that we’re home, she’s just completely unfazed. She amazes me. She’s playing in her skiphop “gym” and just as fascinated by the animals, “talking” wildly and kicking her legs like crazy. All with her eye patch on. It will hopefully make her lazier eye stronger, which will in turn allow it to match up with her stronger eye. We pray.
So…two hours a day we will patch her left eye. Momma will suck all this up and be even stronger. We can do this. The doctor mentioned this may mean surgery on the nerves at 8 months or a year. And you know what… that’ll be okay if that’s what we need to do. I’ll cross that emotional bridge later when I know what’s what.
Her giant smile she just flashed me and her hugging my neck is all the therapy I need for today. Her love keeps my fear at bay. She brings me back to the present and makes me enjoy her normal babyhood stuff.
She is just so precious to me. Growing up more and more every day.