Adaptation

Other than speech therapy, we just took our first major step in our new journey. We scheduled her first surgery. To be clear.. it’s the first of maybe three surgeries.  It’s her strabismus surgery for her eye, where the doctor will move the muscles in her slower eye. So…I’m adapting.  If this was an isolated issue and the only surgery, I think I’d have the same excited attitude my little world seems to have.  I know this will benefit her in great ways. And doing it now is best for her based on her “numbers” and tests.  I am just having a hard time with it.  It’s that familiar reminder that our new journey includes all this yucky stuff like hospitals.  

So…warrior mommas that I know and love… how did you prep and plan for your baby’s surgery(ies)?? How do you adapt to the thought of your little one under anesthesia? I think of many of you incredible women who kept a brave face and even smiled in pictures from the hospital. How did you do that? This is  like my starter surgery and test. We will have much more invasive and scary surgeries in the future. Now is the time to start cultivating that elusive glass half full attitude. 

I have to be completely honest though, I feel myself cracking lately. I’m not adapting well. I don’t even know if I can call it lately either…feels like the past few months. I’m edgy, irritable and easily set off at home. Not all the time but it’s frequent enough. I feel like I’m letting Bo down as a wife. I push through the stress at work and do all I can but I feel all the time like I’m letting people down there also. The only person I completely “show up” for right now is Landon. Priority…yes.  But I want to be myself in all the areas of my life…my best self. I worry as I add things to my juggling act, I won’t be able to truly have it all. Are other women as scared of this as I am? Are there other marriages that got dinged by baby or babies? We’ve certainly turned a great new corner, hubby and I and are on the right path. But like Anne-Marie Slaughter in The Atlantic wrote… women can’t really have it all like we thought we could.  Or can they? How do we balance being the best mom, the best wife, the best coworker and still have time to fit into our skinny jeans?  I think for me it’s all about the slow adaptation. Being patient that I’m going to have good and bad days at doing all of this. I plan to celebrate the good ones and learn from the bad. It’s a simple plan…it’s a start at least.

Today I’m focused on a few things. Finish the list I made for work today, value Bo for his incredible positivity coming out of the doctor this morning…I’d be a puddle without it, and the last one is to play and snuggle with Landon..SO easy. It’s big load for one day and I will just be proud to have lived it.  To have adapted a little more.

The surgery for inquiring minds will be April 18th. The 2nd one (which happens in like 90% of the cases) will be at least three months later. The amazing part about the 18th? My entire family including my grandmother arrives that day. My nanny is coming up for her 91st bday and her gift is to meet Landon. Yep…God does work in wonderful and mysterious ways.

Love to y’all!

xoxo

Eloise

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