On being with bug

I’ve been having a major internal war with myself. Here I am, the girl who loved school and was constantly motivated to get a great job, work harder, get promoted… etc… and all I want to do now is stay home with bug. I understand the women in the Lean In camp. I do. But now that she is mobile and more alert and active..I don’t want to miss a minute. I’m in the throws of a work-life crisis.

It all started when I watched our nanny do her speech routine one morning. I rushed over and participated and noted that I had to correct her several times. That’s okay…but it stuck with me. Then this morning crushed me. She crawled over to me, and climbed into my lap and put her hands on my face while she whined b/c she’s getting her first tooth. And I had to pick her up and hand her to the nanny and leave for work. Dagger to the heart.

I am stuck with the battle of I love my job and I’m fulfilled and I want to be with bug all the time and teach her, coach her, listen to her, sing and swing with her. Ugh.. I hate this.

Let’s not forget to mention that staying home isn’t an option financially so this is a daydream. But still. Dagger to the heart.

Sigh.

xoxo

Eloise

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