It’s been one year. One long, yet very fast year of motherhood. A year of snuggling, wiping, bouncing, burping, carrying, strolling, playing, learning and loving. It still feels daunting… this thing called motherhood. I’m still bewildered sometimes about what’s best, what choice to make and I’m a big fan of second guessing. My what I’ve learned though…
I have learned a lot about myself this year. More than any other year of my life. More than the first year of marriage when you learn a whole lot. I’ve learned that I can do hard things. I’ve learned that I should always listen to myself and not the masses, not always even doctors . I’ve learned that love always wins. I’ve learned that yoga is a medicine I need to take weekly. I’ve learned that I always always need me time (5 minutes, one hour… I’ll take what I can get). Like always. I’ve learned that I need my partner to do this thing called motherhood. I’ve learned that I am not always right. That being positive makes me happier and is actually who I am. That if you go somewhere in Manhattan like Whole Foods without makeup, with food in your hair, while wearing your baby who’s a drooling mess, there will be at least one mother that will knowingly smile at you. I’ve learned about my capacity to love another way more than myself. I’ve learned that I can do this.
This little angel appeared in the world on September 6th at almost 1 in the morning. She makes everyone that meets her happy. She charms strangers in restaurants, her little friends, my friends with and without kids, people in airports, people on the bus and subway and everyone in between. She is SO happy. She is such a ham for any camera. She is independent and wants to do everything on her own except when she doesn’t and she cries “mama”. She crawls after her puppy every day, now throws him his ball, pulls on his face and tries to hug him with her whole body. She loves blocks, her Spanish speaking kitchen, any bath toy, and most especially her ratty terry cloth bibs. She loves to dance by shaking her head and shoulders and grinning ear to ear … all while trying to eat. She loves to stand and try to figure out walking. She loves love, this kid.
One year ago, I was a terrified, shaking, crying puddle. Today I proudly strut around with my baby bug. One year ago I cursed God, the universe and worse of all myself. As ashamed of myself as I am today to remember those thoughts, this journey is something I’d never change. I’m a better person this moment, and prouder of myself than I’ve ever been for who I am now that I’m her mother. I still sob when I read her birth story. It’s still so fresh in my mind, yet it feels like it happened a decade ago. I don’t recognize that person when I recall those tough days and nights. I don’t identify with her at all.
I think of all of the people I’ve connected with since telling our story a year ago. All of the love and emails and calls and gifts of love you sent me. This journey has opened up my world in such a major way. This little girl… she’s changed more than just our immediate family. She’s opened people’s eyes and hearts. All weekend, while we were out celebrating her… people would stop and remark at how incredibly happy and charming she is. It’s easy to understand that she truly will change the world in her own way.
She is nothing short of remarkable. And she’s only just getting started….