Muddling through

So as I announced on here a little while back… we’re moving. Oh and it’s in about a week and a half.  Have I packed? Ummm, two boxes.  Have I done anything on my list of last NYC things? Ummm, I’ve gotten drunk with my coworkers about six times. Is bug’s therapy all settled and ready to roll? Ummm, no and it feels like some sort of crazy maze to navigate. It just feels hard.  Am I holding it together?  Let’s just go with no. I literally had a semi panic attack on the subway the other night. Don’t worry..due to some other choice patrons of the A train… no one remotely noticed the sweating, green looking blonde woman panting in the corner.

I am not ready to say goodbye to those I love. I’m not sure I’m ready to imagine my life without certain people in it on a daily basis. I am, however, ready to not live in this particular city. I am ready to have life be easier. I know I’m going and that we need to go. But this would be the moment when I’d like to choose an Irish goodbye like I used to when I was 22 and single and wanted to bail on a party. I’d be talking to some bro, realize I’d never marry this character and tell him I had to pee. Then, with clever ducking, I’d sneak out of said party and go home. I’d like to do that with NYC because you see… I don’t know if I can actually say goodbye. All our stuff would somehow get to me, or if not, I can learn to live with less.

I’m basically muddling through my days in limbo- not ready to go but not wanting to stay.  What if this move is not the right move for bug’s therapy? What if her speech suffers without Clarke therapy? What if living farther away from my own mother isn’t smart for  my own mental health? What if I need a job and there are literally none? What if I can’t find a good colorist? (If you’re blonde you get it). And off I spin.

Glennon Melton is always telling us that we can do hard things. I am, in choosing to move South, choosing my family first. I am choosing an easier way of life and a place where our dreams can come alive. This has to be the right choice then.  Time to take the leap, Eloise, time to put one foot in front of the other.

If y’all have taken great leaps of faith, how did you prepare yourselves? How did you muddle through?  Send your thoughts!

XOXO

Eloise

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