Where to start? I guess with a WELCOME to the new blog. The oh-so-new-I-changed-one-word-in-the-name blog. And yes… that one word is significant for all of the exact reasons you think it is.
To cut to the chase… I am in the middle of a divorce.
Yep. That word that starts with a D that we usually whisper. I used to think of that word, that state of being, with a such a sad connotation. Such a “God I hope with all my might that doesn’t happen to me” vibe. I honestly thought that if this happened to me, I’d fall down and die. That those nights I spent like Elizabeth Gilbert and Glennon Melton on the floor of my bathroom would be my permanent home. I knew what it entailed. I knew how it ripped things apart. Set things on a new and terrifying course. I am a child of divorce. I was an adult child, but remember feeling very small at that time. Like all of my childhood innocence was lost. I remember mourning my parents marriage as if it was a death.
I also very embarrassingly thought that if there was a small child involved, that the couple must have given up. I was just so stupid and unbearably naive.
And upon entering this new place, this new life, I realized I didn’t know a thing. My parents’ experience was their own and there were no lessons I could apply to the particularly excruciating yet light-filled journey I’ve been on.
After living it for a while, breathing through it, I realize the only response to a divorcing friend should be Congratulations. Congratu-fucking-lations. Because no matter the story behind it, or what awful truths led you to this place, you must be choosing yourself. You must be standing up and saying “I want MORE for my life.” And therefore MORE for your child’s life or lives.
And… for all that have visited to find out EXACTLY what happened.. you’ll be disappointed. I am not going to discuss those details. A time may come where sharing that is healthy or necessary to help others. But for now, that will remain a story only my tribe will know.
All anyone needs to know is it was painful. And that it still can and will be painful. But the one shining thing is Landon. And she is AMAZING. She has and will always come first. Her life and loving her rises above all of the other mess that has happened. She is happy, she is thriving, she is the light.
So…wonderful friends. I’m back. There are so many wonderful things I can’t wait to share with you. For now, this is a start. A slow re-entry.
I’ve missed you.