Working It…

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The art of being a working mother is probably the hardest thing I’ll most certainly never master. I can very honestly and frankly admit to y’all that if I am excelling in one area, then there is a 90% chance that the other areas of my life are “suffering”. Suffering is probably not the right word. Landon is not suffering because I work full-time & out of the home now BUT my perception of myself as a mother is suffering. My heart hurts off and on throughout my work week because I am not seeing her as often. This is made more complex when I think about the speech therapy sessions I miss, what her face looks like when she runs away from me into the class each morning, or better yet at the end of the school day running toward me.

For me, it’s not about achieving a level of perfection in either area, but to find a balance that I’m most comfortable with. Women are constantly juggling an identity crisis after having a child. We are constantly explaining ourselves if we work OR stay home. Neither seems to fulfill us completely or feel 100% satisfying on both fronts. Perfection should never be the goal. There isn’t a scenario that would ever qualify. What we need to do is just let ourselves off the hook. Feel complete as an individual and as the complete package we offer our families, our work product, and any combination of the two we have.

I write a lot about what we women struggle with or how we should cut ourselves slack more often. I know that men have similar struggles as well and do not mean to leave y’all out.

This journey has given me the gift of connecting with y’all as well. Of hopefully lifting up any of you that are frustrated, sad, tired of the work/life balancing act, who have just felt loss of their own. As I tend to remind you… you’re not alone. There is love and strength out there amongst this tribe of mothers and women.

Happy weekend warriors.

Love,

Eloise

Fashion… Friday?

I’m finally coming up for air after the move… sorry these aren’t quite on Friday. We can pretend though, right? Promising more blogs this week!  Is there anything worse than living out of boxes? Love y’all! XO

Outfit One: Dot Shirt and Floral Vest: Genuine Kids at Target (!!); Cableknit Leggings- Zara; Shoes: Cienta Kids…Zappos, Bow… her own 🙂

Outfit two: Ladybug Girl!! Shirt, Sweater- Old Navy, Leggings – Gap, Tutu- Gift, Wings and Headband- Amazon. Loved this costume because the girl sleeps with these books every night!

xoxo,

Eloise

Fight for the right…. for therapy

It’s been a rocky week for me.  Processing another layer being added to our lives.

To lay the ground work- Landon sees one therapist here at home 6x a month and one therapist at MUSC in Charleston 2x a month.  We have been granted services (after two freaking months) through Babynet, which is the early intervention program in the state of SC.  It provides services for children under three years old, meaning the therapists bill insurance companies first and then Babynet picks up the tab on anything they will not cover or anything after they pay their portion.  After three… I’ve been told you can get services through the school system. 

The first MAJOR problem of the week is to learn that Babynet is SUCH a horrible mess in this state that hospitals and therapists all over the state are beginning to rapidly decide NOT to work with Babynet. Leaving families all over this state without any services. Without any help. Most of us CANNOT afford private therapy out of pocket. Our insurance company will pay for 40 sessions per year. Period. We have speech therapy 8x month. So half our year would be out of pocket without Babynet.  What’s worse is most people in this state just shrug when pressed as to why MUSC and other major providers of services are dropping Babynet… “it’s just SC.. what do you expect?”  I, as a mother of a child who requires services, EXPECT the system not to fail my kid. I expect New York level of service. I expect Babynet to work. It’s a federally mandated program after all.  SO… make it work dammit.  Instead, I feel like one very small person in this battle. It’s not up to me. It’s not up to the thousands of parents this is going to fail. But there it is… the largest children’s hospital in this state will not work with the early intervention program. The best speech therapist and one of the only AV certified therapists in the state will not work with them. So, we like so many others will have to walk away. We cannot afford our life and that much private therapy. AND…the amazing service providers (therapists) that do work with Babynet ARE NOT BEING PAID. Ours… not paid since last summer.  This is the definition of broken. And it sucks. We’ll add more services at home and will be fine… I think. But that wonderful woman needs to be paid. Babynet needs to be fixed. 

On top of this revelation, our fabulous home therapist mentioned Landon needs an Occupational Therapy (OT) evaluation. She seems 10 for 10 for  sensory-related issues. These early signs include crashing into things on purpose, falling off of things on purpose, enjoying being under things or in tents, aversion to textures in foods, grasping one thing in each hand consistently, banging a lot, experiencing things with her feet first- books sometimes, walking on her toes, falling and crashing as just mentioned but with no crying, an obsession with water, flipping constantly through books, and showing signs of early ADD. A lot of this can be brushed off as her being a toddler. But once I read about sensory sensitivity and OT, it clicked. Landon’s sense of hearing is impaired, some of her vision is impaired wouldn’t it make sense for her other senses to be heightened? Of course it does.  Oh and the OT therapy in Georgetown County (Nextstep). DOESN’T TAKE Babynet either. Of course they don’t. 

But after the research, after learning that we needed most likely to add another type of therapy to our lives. Add another type of therapy to master at home… I lost it.  How? What? More? When?  I sobbed to Bo. Then to his dad. Then on my own.  Between Babynet and OT.. it’s too much. To have moved here and feel like things are getting significantly harder. What was I thinking? 

I thought I’d be strong enough after this year and a half to handle new therapy. New information. Adding more to the proverbial plate. But instead… I crumbled. We have to apply for secondary insurance. Tefra. It’s complicated and feels awkward and the least easy thing. New York made it easy. Sign here and boom.. no more conversations about payment or services. It was seamless. Easy and a wonderful thing for a raw parent to experience. But not here. 

I’ve written a list. To literally do things one step at a time. Do the OT evaluation. Fill out Tefra paperwork. Drive it to Georgetown. Make list of how many sessions we’ve had this year. Stop seeing MUSC at 40 sessions.  Wait until we know if approved for Tefra. If we are, resume MUSC. If not, up sessions at home. Reapply for Tefra.  Find an OT that takes Babynet in the meantime. Do they exist? 

Then breathe. This is a marathon. Not a sprint. I’m strong enough. Repeat that phrase. It’s for Landon and that is all that matters.

Pray for us though. Pray for my strength. These days I just don’t feel like I can fight this system alone. After that list come the letters to our elected officials.  Maybe a visit to their offices when I’m home in VA. A part of me feels like I’m just getting started…

This face makes me remember it’s all worth it. 

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xoxo,

Eloise